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It’s so sad that people neglect children when it comes to being traumatic, trauma from childhood is the worst. I still suffer from a major one till date, and the most saddening part is my aunt who I lived with never noticed or even saw anything wrong in what happened to me while living with her as a child.
Being around violence in cities, and other types of domestic violence/verbal abuse/extreme controlling environments that is shrugged off far too often still if it is under a certain amount. It is normalized in their environment and so is often not fully realized until they are older teens, or even adults if at all sometimes. Living in an area that is prone to natural disasters, and not having a very supportive family/adults, or suddenly not having supportive adults to help with the stress of it when it happens quite often is very jarring.
What most don’t understand is that trauma can be very subtle and can begin at any age, actually even prior to birth. It doesn’t take a major event or anything life threatening to create deeply hidden and repressed fear from a painful experience. And the truth is it can cause even more harm and dysfunction in our adult lives than dramatic trauma, because that is more likely recognized and help is usually offered at that time. And this is because we can easily fail to recognize that we are communicating with our children long before they can speak or understand, often believing it won’t matter because we don’t hold early memories in the open. Needing to take on large responsibilities far earlier than they are ready to because of ongoing family issues, causing (or from) neglect they do not realize.
Children are no different than any other person in wanting to understand their surroundings and eventually learn to have some control within their surrounds too. When a child wants to do something themselves and are not allowed to learn they can learn to feel defeated rather than empowered. Other times we can impose our parental desires for their life and dismiss their aspirations leaving them feeling diminished and inauthentic. Impatience with mistakes often creates trauma. When our words attack their charter directly rather than their actions it can make a lasting impression. My sister’s son once mentioned that calling him selfish a few times messed him up for years. By not understanding emotions ourselves we then fail to teach our children to identify, process, release and thus regulate how they feel at any given time; we don’t give them the tools they need to cope with adult life. Children want the same thing we all do, to feel loved, valued and accepted for who they are and any messages or conditioning that go against that have the potential to cause trauma. And this is exactly the reason we often don’t understand what happens in our adult children’s lives, because we don’t understand the importance of all types of traumatic events, even the most subtle.