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Whenever I hear someone is in an abusive relationship, I wonder what they’re doing there. I think the logical thing to do is to leave such relationship, isn’t it? Why then do people still stay in unhealthy relationships?
Some people find it difficult to leave a relationship they feel they’ve invested so much into. As sensible as this may want to sound, it isn’t enough reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship. If it feels like you invested a lot of energy into your relationship — as it often the case with toxic relationships, it will be all the more difficult to let go. One may think, “we’ve already been together so long I might as well stay. Or I’ve put so much into this relationship, I can’t let it fail”. That’s not necessarily a good reason to stay, however. If it seems like this is the only reason you’re sticking around, it may be worth it to think about what you truly want, possibly with the help of a therapist.
One reason why people stay in unhealthy relationships is because they want to be understanding and accept the other person for who they are. While all relationships require both partners to be understanding, when you’re dating a toxic person, it can become a part-time job. When a relationship is no longer worth it, give yourself compassion and permission to leave. Since many toxic relationships start off on a good foot, it can make it all the more shocking when things go south. You keep telling yourself, ‘things will get better,’ and you hold onto hope that things can be good again. But, as it often goes with toxic partners, it’s highly likely they are who they are. If they haven’t changed after having discussions and heart-to-hearts, things are unlikely to improve. And your best bet is to move on.