I have anorexia nervosa, I think about every calorie content of everything I eat before eating it.
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I have anorexia nervosa, I think about every calorie content of everything I eat before eating it.
Somewhere in my childhood, I equated fat with ugly and ugly with not receiving love. Though, I know this is shallow, I can not let go of the control button. It drives me crazy and I feel chained. If I get fat, I fear I can not love myself nor will anyone love me back. My dieting is insane. A part of me says just let go and eat what you want. Step into the fear. If you get fat, so what. True love is unconditional. I know all this but for me this is a huge step that I just can not take. Holding myself back imprisons me. Freedom is beyond the fear.
You should seek counseling to find this out. But I can say that you feel fat is ugly and not worthy of love, because you say that in your statement. You most likely have a problem with your self esteem and that takes professional help to work through. Society in general has perpetuated the myth that only perfect people can be loved. Watching TV commercials shows us this imperfect standard that we think we must achieve. They imply that if you don’t like these people then you will not be loved and everyone wants love. I felt that way when was I was younger, but after I met my husband and we married I didn’t worry about that so much anymore. I have finally accepted myself as I am and feel that the people who look only at the outside are the ones missing out on what I can offer. They are the losers, not me.