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When dating someone with the autism syndrome, what are the things you should always have in mind and things to expect?
Often a misconception is that people on the spectrum want to only date others who are on the spectrum. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. They really just want to find someone they connect with and can be themselves with.
They aren’t mind readers so tell them when they may be going too fast or too slow. They will respect you even more for being honest with us, as people on the spectrum tend to be some of the most authentic people you will ever meet.
Sometimes it can be difficult for an autistic person to express their feelings and emotions. You may think that they are being distant or that their feelings have changed. In reality, they may feel as in love as you do but don’t necessarily feel the need to say it as often (if at all) they may be expecting you to know how they feel.
Some people on the Autism Spectrum do not like to be touched. Others may like a light touch, while others may like deep pressure. Because your partner does not initiate or react well to human contact doesn’t mean they don’t want to feel close to you.
If your partner does not want to cuddle it may be that they are sensitive to touch. This is something you can discuss and find alternate ways to be close with each other. If they like deep pressure then maybe try massage or if they prefer light touch then maybe tickling their back.
Routine can be very important when dating an autistic person. Try to avoid spontaneous plans and surprises. When planning dates involve your partner in the planning so that any dates can fit into their routine. Whilst surprises might seem romantic they can be very distressing for autistic people.
Communication can be difficult for people on the autism spectrum. You may need to adjust and adapt the way you communicate to make things easier for your partner to understand. Sometimes communicating via text or letter can be helpful, especially if you have had an argument and communication may get misinterpreted. Sometimes your partner may be physically unable to talk if they are burnt out or tired. Messenger can be great to communicate during these times.
An autistic person may cancel plans because they are burned out or tired. You could suggest staying in with them and chilling out but if they need some time alone it isn’t anything personal. Sometimes autistic people just can’t function and rest and recovery is very important.