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I am certain separation is what we need (it is what I need) but I cannot but think about our children. I don’t ever want them to see me or their mom as being selfish. I care about my children and I love them so much. The separation will be the best for myself and their mom, but what about the children? How will they cope? What effect will the separation have on them?
When parents no longer love each other and decide to live apart, a child can feel as if their world has been turned upside down. The level of upset the child feels can vary depending on how their parents separated, and the age of the child.
A child can feel a sense of loss – separation from a parent can mean you lose not only your home, but your whole way of life.
The stress that comes with living with a single parent — choosing which parent to live with, is consuming.
They become fearful about being left alone – if one parent can go, perhaps the other will do the same.
Children become angry at one or both parents for the relationship breakdown. They become torn between both parents.
A child might get so worried about having caused the parental separation. Most children often take the blame for their parent’s separation.
Even if the parental relationship had been very tense or violent, children may still have mixed feelings about the separation. Many children hold onto a wish that their parents may get back together. Whatever may have gone wrong in the relationship, both parents still have a very important part to play in their children’s lives.
When separation occurs, it’s very typical for children to be unhappy and want their parents to remain together. That unhappiness can translate into low self-esteem, behavioural problems, and a sense of loss. The parents can talk to their children about the separation, this way, they’re assuring the children they’re not alone.
There is a tendency to perform to a lower standard in school, which can eventually mean that as adults they won’t have good jobs.
Children of separated families can also have greater ongoing problems with their behaviour. In general, they become easily influenced by the time they live with a single parent. There is is levity that comes with being raised by a single parent. Some children might misuse such levity.
In a situation where a child have to relocate with one of the parents, the stress level is higher. The child has to adjust to a new environment, a new school, a total new way of life. The child would have to start finding new friends. This alone can cause negative effects on the child. Life after separation is always harder than the separation itself for the children. Where both parents remain very involved with the children, and very supportive of them – especially where there’s no tension between the parents – the outcomes are often very good.