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Growing older definitely surpasses mere physical changes in our bodies, that is part of growing older that some people find it hard to come in terms with though. But there are some very hard part of growing older, most times, people are not even conscious of them as they grow.
Suddenly, you become a philosopher and start to look backward and reflect on your life and on Life in general. As a child, you were taught to study, to find a good job, to get married, to have children, to invest in a house, to save for retirement, etc… You have witnessed all the variations of this theme. You have seen people following these instructions by the letter and rebels who have preferred to live a Life of their own. In the end, both sides are just as unsatisfied. Collecting experiences, partners, marriages, jobs, adventures is just a mean to fill a fundamental void. A constant unsatisfaction. Our education is all wrong: we are taught to dream, desire, obtain, dream, desire, obtain, etc… When you were a kid, you were conditioned long before Christmas to dream about your next gifts. Once your wishes granted, how long did you play with your new toys before disregarding them? Two weeks, three weeks and starting to dream about something else. You have been reproducing this behavior all your life. Dreaming about having a nice wife, a great job, a magnificent house, good kids, etc…never living in the instant, always living in some fantasy world of yours. Collecting wealth, experiences or building Empires is futile. Death will take away everything. The only way out is to be completely immersed in our actions. If we let our mind wanders, we immediately fall back into the trap of the desires and perpetuate the cycle of greed and deceptions. Happiness lies in the control of the mind and desires. When all the unessential is removed, irrelevant of the exterior stimuli, you are. The World is changing fast, you are not. You prefer not to see again places of happiness and just want to keep them alive in your mind. -Concentration becomes really deep. More and more, while driving I am lost in my thoughts and either miss the exit from the freeway by 20 miles or do not see red lights and stop signs. You are no longer attached to the treasures you have amassed during your life and easily give them away to friends and family to appease their material thirst. Nature and children become more and more an infinite source of happiness.
Getting older brings daily experiences. The body changes, of course, and that is the worst. Scary too, because a serious Diagnosis now can happen anytime and randomly. There is an awareness of mortality, which adds a richness to life. There is daily life review. There were many unexpected twists and turns. I often think back to certain events of my teens or twenties, vivid in memory , and think “if only I knew then what I know now”. I would say to my younger self “just keep doing the right thing, even when it hurts, and it will all come out ok”.
It is tough to get older, and have the wisdom now, that I really needed then. It would have been nice to know how temporary everything is, especially in the workplace. I wouldn’t have let it bother me as much.It’s strange to see all the changes in society. Many of them are for the good, but it it still strange. I remember a time in school, talking with a friend. I was talking about being there the next year or two, and he reminded me that he would graduate before that. I felt like college would go on and on forever, just like high school had, but the reality is time speeds up the day you graduate from high school. Although, at times I have difficulty relating to some of the people in their 20’s.
Overall, I am still learning daily and enjoying life. But it is also obvious to me that there will be a lot undone when my number is up.
Every now and then I ponder a comment someone made to me decades ago. Most of the people are probably gone by now. I think of different things, and how the world has changed. There are still so many questions.
The hardest thing is knowing I will not be able to do everything I want, in terms of traveling, reading, even watching certain movies. There won’t be enough time or money. I’ll have to make a lot of choices.