Is it ever okay to check through your partner’s phone just because you’re unsure of something?
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It’s not in my nature to do so. I’ve never liked the concept of proving your loyalty to your partner. It’s cheap and quite honestly not worth the hassle. It never ends. Let’s say today you check the phone and find nothing. Does it end there? Of course not. You’re thinking “oh he’s got a secret phone.” He’s hiding it elsewhere. I need to dig deeper. If you are actively seeking assurance that your significant other isn’t cheating, it may be that you already made up your mind. You are not looking for relief that he or she isn’t cheating. You are trying to catch them. To prove that your suspicions are correct. People who are that paranoid shouldn’t be in a relationship. That behavior is extremely damaging and exhausting. Not only do you deteriorate the relationship day by day, but you run yourself ragged looking for answers that may not exist.
Violating someone’s privacy is never okay. If you feel compelled to do this, there are deeper issues you need to pay attention to. Lack of trust, for example. People are individuals, even in relationships. They text their mom or friends, they have work emails and messaging, and they are allowed to have spaces that are not yours. If you feel the urge to snoop, think hard about what you’re looking for, and why. You shouldn’t need to verify that someone is being faithful to you, or check how they are conducting themselves. So, when you want to check someone’s phone, please rethink that. There is a better way to address this urge – have the hard conversations. It might be that you already know what you are going to find and are just looking for proof. It might be that you just have fears because you’ve been burned before. It might be that you are with a really great person, but just feeling insecure and need assurance. Either way, there’s never a reason to violate someone’s private space. Be better than that. Calling it snooping sounds so minor, but the breach of privacy is not. Good relationships are built on trust, not violation and sneaking around.