My parents seem to have this version of me they have created for themselves. Right from when I was in high school, I’ve had that perfectionist mindset. Growing up, I’ve had to unlearn a lot of things and even realised I might be living my parents’ dreams.
Angelia moultonNew You
How do I make make my parents understand that I’m not perfect, and I’m not their pet project?
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The truth is, most parents know that their grown up children can actually make their own decisions. The thing is they don’t want to let them make those decisions.
It’s not about their lack of understanding. It’s about knowing what children need to be successful. They think they know what it takes to be a success. They have a certain life philosophy and worldview which they share with everybody they know and hang out with. They consider their life philosophy and worldview to be the absolute truth about the world and life. It’s something they know very well because they happen to live according to this philosophy and worldview and their parents also lived according to it, and the overwhelming majority of people they know also validate this particular life philosophy / worldview.
The point is this: they believe that in life you have to go through certain milestones and certain events should constitute your life. That’s how it was for them, so that’s how it must also be for you.
If you need to make a decision that you think they won’t agree with, just don’t tell them. They don’t have to know. You can try being responsible with money and your own hobbies in this fashion. I had a habit of telling my parents everything to get them to acknowledge I was being responsible, but I wasn’t getting the positive feedback I’d expected, so I just stopped telling them.
As long as your actions aren’t affecting your parents negatively, don’t be afraid to go out on your own sometimes. I don’t mean for you to use this as an excuse to make poor decisions, but if you’re simply looking for more autonomy and ways to be responsible for your own life, just go for it.